Thursday, 26 November 2009

Things I have learnt about Indonesia

Just some information about Indonesia to amuse you

1. Hot water is a luxury.
2. Vacumn Cleaners are a brand new concept
3. Mercedes are considered to be impressive
4. You can buy monkeys at traffic lights
5. Soap works hard here
6. When it rains streets get dirtier
7. No wasps just big black killing things that fly about
8. You shop  in PJ's with fluffy bunnies printed on them and slippers at 5pm and no one minds
9. If a customer service dept rings you and does not like what they hear, they hang up
10. Everything contains extra vitamins
11. Its normal for a family of 5 to ride together on 1 bike
12. Helmets are considered bad for your image
13. A trye is never worn out or thrown away unless it falls off the wheel
14. It's ok for container trucks to have racing slicks
15. Trucks simply overturn
16. Ice Cream does not like to melt
17. Cheese slices does not melt in heat either just chars
18. Everything can be recycled
19. After seeing rats here you would not want one as a pet
20. Swimming fully clothed is ok and culturally correct
21. Having more than 2 phones is ok
22. Once driving in Jakarta you will never complain about traffic again
23. It takes 10 minutes of rain to bring the city to a stop and 1 meter floods
24. You can only buy white rice here
25. You can fit 85 people on a normal bus and 90 if some hang on outside it
26. In the rain traffic is slowed as everyone hides under road bridges
27. If you breakdown in a car, bus, truck, simply put a branch on from the local tree sticking out on the vehicles side and everyone knows you have broken down
28. Hazard lights are for overtaking
29. People let you drive their cars with out considering if you can actually drive
30. Its ok to hang rubbish in trees
31. Its ok to hang your washing out in trees
32. You can spit and piss on the streets but not show any affection
33. Toilet roll is still not fully understood
34. Some men grow a nail very long on one finger to help them poo
35. In the local supermarket there are often more sales reps than customers
36. No one ends a telephone call saying good bye
37. Riding a motorbike while texting and smoking is ok
38. You can drive a vehicle without lights on at night and no one worries
39. People start the day with cold rice and egg or chicken porridge
40. You go swim in a swimming pool and eat and smoke while swimming and thats ok too
41. Everything is negotiable
42. No one knows where the sewage goes as there are no pipes
43. Pouring paint, oil, milk in rivers is ok
44. The government tells you when Dengue fever will start
45. If you get flu here it knocks you out for days
46. No such thing as a cold here
47. Movies on TV have violence, sex and bad language removed but if you watch the news you can see dead people and car accidents as they happen
48. 10 year olds can have credit cards and the latest nokia phones
49. People hate global warming but have 5 airconditioners in their homes always running
50. Jakarta can have thunderstorms in 1 part of the city yet 1km away just a nice sunny day
51. Washing Machines consist of 2 legs and a heart and are called maids
52. Washing clothes in the river full or milk, paint and oil is common
53. When someone does not understand they say yes and then walk off and nothing happens
54. People do not like to say no so sometimes you have no idea what is happening
55. Buses change routes when things are quiet but no one tells the passengers
56. None of the big supermarkets have conveyor belts on their tills
57. If someone tells you dinosaurs never existed, they mean it
58. You can go to Saturday night Church services
59. Everyone  believes in a God
60. You cant find a Koran in English
61. Everyone eats rice for lunch or rice and chicken
62. Fish eyes taste nice
63. Mcdonalds serves rice but Burger King does not
64. You can get fish and chip pizza in Pizza Hut
65. Cars come with out airbags and abs and have casette decks as standard
66. With one hand you can stop traffic to cross roads
67. Riding your motorbike into ongoing traffic is encouraged
68. A filofax is called an agenda
69. Daily jobs are called job desk
70. A bottle of HP sauce costs less to buy here than it does in England
71. Cheese is a luxury item
72. Floor cleaner melts your skin
73. You can build a speedbump where ever you like and how you like
74. People pay people to force people to use buses
75. You can rent babies by the hour
76. FHM for men contains women fully clothed
77. Indoensian porn is almost impossible to find
78. Everyone has seen a ghost
79. No one believes in UFOs
80. Most people have 2 names they use
81. Its ok if people dont have a surname
82. The big rivers in the city move so slowly that the rubbish takes days to build
83. You cant fly direct to europe as the planes are not safe enough
84. It get dark and light at the same times every day
85. You can fit 5 lanes on traffic into 2 with not much fuss
86. I now know who buys all the worlds whistles
87. There at least 6 types of police man
88. Every mall shuts at 10 and opens at 10
89. You can make fires in the street in drains etc
90. Charcoal burns really slowly here
91. There are very few birds in the city
92. No spiders either
93. Everything is for sale
94. The airport is orange
95. The main railway station is lime green
96. Every shopping mall has a expo every week
97. Drinking straws are washed and reused....
98. You can buy Cigarette merchandise from shops in malls
99. Eggs can be brought individually
100. You can buy coke, sprite or hot coffee in plastic bags complete with straws 
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